50 Cent’s “Targets Of The Week”: Fight Fyre With Fire

MUSIC


50 Cent’s recent week has been one of duality. That is to say, the intersection of Fifty and Fofty, forced into shared existence like Eddie Brock and Venom. In recent months, the latter has kicked his feet up in a major way, having seized dominion of Curtis Jackson and whispered maniacal ploys into his ear on the daily. What followed was a debt-collector like no other, equal parts debt-collector and kneecapper, charmer and comedian. In other words, a force like no other, who seemingly spent a brief time acting as a local bank machine. How he managed to assemble such a vast checklist of indebted remains to be seen, yet he doesn’t seem to mind.

Conversely, shades of “Fifty” shone more brilliantly than ever before. At least, since the release of 2016’s The Kanan Tape. This past week found 50 Cent riding the wave of the “Big Rich Town Remix,” an elusive drop from a man some deemed “retired.” And then there was “Remember The Name,” a nostalgic trip down memory lane with Ed Sheeran and Eminem in tow. For those questioning whether Fif had made the full-time transition to Instagram comedian, allow this week to set the record straight. No, he has not hung up the mic, dusty though it may be. 

And yet, not even brief glimmers of a music-career long thought dormant could sate Fofty’s urge to collect what’s rightfully his. And thus, the villainous side won out. Though where the entity known as 50 Cent is concerned, perhaps such a descriptor applies to all facets of his persona. At least, that’s what his many enemies would likely say. Find out for yourself. 

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OLD BUCK

Yes, we’ve all grown fatigued of the ongoing war between Young Buck and 50 Cent, a partnership that once appeared to be so promising. Sadly, the G-Unit bond proved dissolvable under the slightest strain, and Fif and Buck have been embroiled in a petty feud ever since. Whether the motive for the animosity stems from simple dislike, a distaste for one’s sexual proclivities, disappointment in opportunities long missed, or merely the love of a renewed spotlight, each man seems determined to carry their banners into deeper into the trenches. 

Luckily for 50, the arrival of a newly viral and Russian-controlled FaceApp made a hell of a splash. Like that, our favorite rappers were reimagined as elderly folk, with some images looking eerily realistic; see for yourself, if you don’t believe it. Ever the wily and tech-savvy brand of bully, Fif wasted little time in transforming “Young Buck” into, well, “Old Buck.” It’s dangerous to play the role of Father Time, but 50 has looked death in the face – what, to him, are simple matters like time and space?


“OUT DA CLUB”

Before you panic, it’s not 2003. 50 Cent’s war with Ja Rule has simply continued for the past sixteen-plus years, proving older than the likes of Lil Tecca and Bhad Bhabie. And before you suggest that hostility only fades with time, such simple principles do not apply to 50 Cent. In fact, his hatred only appears to grow like so many vines upon a Gothic manor. Therefore, when one or more of his foes is caught lacking, he is simply incapable of resisting the temptation to prod. Lest we forget, this is a man Irv Gotti once more or less called “an angel of Satan,” a heavy accusation to a God-fearing man. 

Yet what might one do in the face of such a clip? In this case, 50 barely had to lift a finger, watching as Ja Rule and Irv Gotti found themselves embroiled in a heated near-brawl. The clips began circulating last night, after the Murda Inc brethren were denied entry to a club. Natrually, tempers flared; while the “do you know who I am” card wasn’t played, it was certainly implied. In response, 50 allowed himself to pen a snippet of fanfiction, reciting Ja’s lines by way of IG caption.

If that wasn’t enough, 50 proceeds to employ tactics peddled by the Nelson Muntz school of bullying, which is to say, laughing during one’s low moments. Though a far-cry from “Haw Haw,” 50’s cackle will likely serve a similar purpose. Should one run into Ja or Irv and see a particularly violent vein protruding from either of their respective foreheads, perhaps it’s best to avert your gaze. 




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